Hymn
by aero-hgsb
Summary: And who, after all this loss, could hope to gain?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer_: I only own the thought put into this.

Hymn

**Chapter One**: In Media Res

Most of the time, when your life changes permanently, you don't know it has happened until you're collapsed onto the ground. Crying and puking over what you lost. I'll never forget how he changed my life, how he brought me out of my misery and raised me into a bright happiness so high, so foreign, that I actually believed that my life was going somewheres. That everything I have suffered through was worth it. This was my reward, justice did prevail. I knew love like I had never known anything before.

I knew the soft planes of his body, his moles, that he picked his nose when no one was looking. I knew him inside and out. I knew so much more about myself than I ever had, I discovered that love.. is everything. Nothing matters without it. Money and fame are nothing next to the elation of being with someone you love, who loves you in return. Nothing to the way my heart skipped a beat seeing him, the way it still does.

In life I have known sadness, I'll always know sadness. It has been my cloak of cloaks in life, and well, I thought it changed.

I could vomit with the pain I feel. This wrenching, tearing pain. It has not abated over time, and despite the terrors I have perservered through, this is the most damaging and life threatening of all. My tears, oh dear gods, I could drown. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for this to just end. For time to rewind itself, turn its incessant hands backwards and give me just one more chance to fix things. With the knowledge I have now.. if I had it then, I could change everything.

All that happens, unfortunatly, is that my life continues. My head sinks farther down and my feet drag on slower. How could something so deep and profound just dissapear?

I am forced to watch him move on.

It starts with that sinking feeling in my stomach. Finally realising that this will never happen again. We will never be deeply in love with eachother. My fingers will never twine with his, we will never whisper passionate words in eachothers ears. Gone are the pet names and kisses. Gone forever is lying next to him, watching him sleep, stroking his face. Just to memorize him. To treat every moment like it could be our last together. I miss his soft breathing on my cheek, I miss the feeling of his arms wrapped around me.

Then it continues with a shock, or rather numbing, through my muscles. They relax to the point where I just don't feel like moving anymore. My mind dazes off into no thought at all. Just an image. Memories upon memories seep into my vision until I am ready to tear my hair out. Why, why, why?

When it finally hits me in the chest, the tugging feeling like I've lost half of it.. that's when I break down. I cry. I cry so damn hard, so loud, that it could be considered a surprise that there isn't a thunderstorm.

I am on the ground, choking on my own tears. Gagging on the pain. Heartbreak is worse than watching a loved one die.

Heartbreak is you dieing and watching everyone move on ahead of you. Watching those who loved you most turn away and forget your misery. Leave you with the pain. Alone.

This hurts, darling. You couldn't imagine it. Life is torn in half for me. My soul has lost half of itself. I put all of myself into him and he closed the door and isn't letting any of it come back out to occupy myself.

I am a walking nothingness. A hole. I shove things inside of me to make myself forget this horrible nightmare of life without him.

I need him.

Draco, please come back to me.

_Well, lets hear some feedback folks._


	2. In the Beginning

_Disclaimer_: No ownage.

Hymn

**Chapter ****Two: **In the beginning

_Where to begin, where to begin. It was so long ago. _

_I recall I first "met," him at my summer job after my sixth year. Met him as in outside of school on a one on one basis where predjeduce and friends couldn't really get in the way. After Draco's name had been cleared he had changed, or so I heard. I never came to see it until I started working at a local store in my community, where coincidentally, he worked. At first it was just a gentle flirtation, I was interested in other people, and I always had previous barriers against him. _

_But against my better judgement, we began to build a friendship, I didn't really realise it at first.._

Hermione punched in on the work clock. Her first day of working by herself and she was on her own with Malfoy. She didn't really hold much against him, other than the whole name-calling thing, but that was what children do. To her understanding, Malfoy never had much of a choice in it anyhow.

Things were awkward at first, they exchanged "Hello's," and rang things through, took care of customers, and cleaned. Hermione had her eyes glued to a muggle co-worker anyways. It was a blossoming crush.

"Will you marry me?" she flirted with the boy, his name was John and he had been working at the store for years before she had.

"Oh of course, darling, when will this take place?" he asked in return.

"Let's skip that step and just consider ourselves married. I'll see you at home," she left off and he flashed her a quick grin and left to do other miscellanious work through the store.

She knew, of course, that it would go no further than that. Just flirting, he was older than her, in college, and very appealing physcially. Hermione wasn't the type to catch anyones eye like that, but after her sixth year she had gained enough confidence to put herself out there.

Through the entire summer she flirted, worked, and tanned. Life was just easy, for once. Hermione didn't have a care in the world and was excited to begin her seventh year at Hogwarts. She had even asked Malfoy to marry her, to which he reluctantly agreed, and then days later she broke the fake marriage claiming John was getting jealous. He wasn't, of course, but just pretending to add amusment to the whole affair.

In her work enviroment, Hermione was all happiness and glee. Most people didn't look forward to working all summer, but she quickly made friends with all of her co-workers and the time flew by.

Alas, summer closed and her seventh year began. The Great Hall no longer had tables arranged by house, but smaller tables with a larger variety. Students were meant to mingle and suprisingly, they did. Hermione found herself at a table where Draco was sitting and she placed herself next to him, taking his schedual out of his hands, scanning it quickly.

"Oh! We have Potions together, we'll have to sit with eachother." She smiled and gave it back to him.

"Of course, well, if my table isn't filled by others first.." Draco trailed off, looking around at his friends. Not everyone was ready to accept the unity that Hogwarts was supposed to exude this year.

Shrugging she stood up and walked over to Harry, Ron, and Ginny. They had all previously compared scheduals and determined that none of them really shared any classes, which was depressing, but relieving at the same time. Hermione wanted to spread her wings this year. Not intellectually for once, but socially.

"Well mates, I'm off to Potions." she gave them a courtesy wave and sauntered off. Appearancewise, Hermione hadn't really changed much. It was noticeable but she wasn't a knockout. Her hair had stopped being so out of control. It was still curly, but not bushy. She was still thin as always, but now had a little curve to her. Hermiones new confidence and laid back personality showed in the way she smiled and walked, its what drew more attention to her than she ever received in her previous years at Hogwarts.

Contemplating this she strode through the Dungeons and into the Potions classroom. Seeing a spot open by Draco she made her way to the desk, which was pushed up against another to form a square, and sat next to him. Across from them was Dean Thomas and a boy she had never really spoken to before, Blaise Zambini.

Dean, who she had dated in secret before, relentlessly made fun of her constantly. Hermione could tell that this would be embarassing, but chose to tough it out.

"So 'Mione, how was your summer?" Dean started off, giving her a slow smile that told Hermione this day could only get worse for her.

"Fine, Dean, I wont ask about yours because I'm sure what you did was just all too interesting and I wont have the time to give it the justice it truly deserves.." she said sarcastically.

She knew, of course, that she just set off permission for him to comment something nasty back, which he did.

"Ah, well.. I remember how last summer went for you." He said slyly.

Dean made lewd hand gestures suggesting that he had once cupped her breasts and she blushed heavily, to which Draco laughed.

"Something I don't know about?" he asked.

"Nothing important," she told Draco non-chalantly, keeping her eyes on Dean as she did.

When he winced, she smiled and turned the corner of her eye on Draco. He really wasn't so bad to look at, kind of cute actually, and now that she was beginning to know him a little better, she found she didn't really mind his presence and sort of enjoyed it. At this thought she smiled shyly to herself and recalled that they had an outdoors class together. A new program that Hogwarts had installed, determined that their students needed more physcial activity than quidditch.

_Malfoy wouldn't have a cellphone would he_? She wondered to herself, she would ask later. Maybe she could actually like Malfoy. Hermione spoke with her friends over the summer on the subject of Malfoy, deciding how to handle them at school. Suprisingly, they had decided that his circumstances were dire enough for him to act the way he did, that they would act as though they had just met him. Which meant that if she did ever grow feelings for him, it wouldn't be out of the question that something could happen.

Not that she was sure there were feelings.

Hermione figured that this year might just be very interesting and she promised herself that she would pay closer attention to Draco during Potions.

_Give me thoughts, folks_.


End file.
